Wishing...

So this morning at 5:30 am I am getting ready to get into the shower when I looked into my bedroom and I saw the clothes sitting in front of my closet waiting to be hung, and the basket of towels waiting to be put away, and the pile of closed that have collected in front of the laundry basket. Being annoyed at myself for letting it get that far I found myself wishing there was a laundry fairy. That got me thinking... "what are other things I wish for?" There have been countless times when I have said "I wish..." Some being more realistic then others. I wish I had better hair; I wish I could lose weight faster; I wish I could go away for the weekend; I wish I could tell that person what I really thought; I wish Joshua would cut that tooth already; I wish my husband... I wish I had a house; I wish I had a million dollars. You get the picture. I think this is all something we are guilty of. But let me ask you one thing... What is the good in wishing? What good comes from it? What frustrations come from it? So as I was standing in my nice hot shower I decided that I was never going to wish ever again. And here is why. I have decided that everything that I would WISH for is something I can PRAY for. Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
It would be nice if there was a laundry fairy but instead I can be thankful that I have clothes and pray that I have then energy and diligence to get it done. I could wish that I had a million dollars, but instead I can be thankful that I have a job and be a good steward of the money. I wish my husband... instead I can be thankful that I have a loving a loyal husband and pray about whatever issue is there.
So here is my challenge for you... when you feel yourself wishing for something first find find something to be thankful for and then pray about whatever it is you are wishing for. Desire the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Whats been going on in Zambia

The team has been doing amazing things. I almost feel bad writing about it because I know I will be unable to really put into words how amazing it has been for them. I get goose bumps just thinking about the lives that they get to touch and the fact that their lives will never be the same. So far they have visited an orphanage where they were able to do evangelism through songs, evangacubes, and balloons. The kids loved having them there and were so grateful for what the team was doing. They also got to have a full day of ministry in Makanda.. This was a rural area, with thatched roof cottages, no running water or electricity, and all the people make their own living by growing bannas, and selling them on the main road, not too far from their villages.they said it was definite culture shock. Josh preached on 1 John 1.. it was difficult with a translator, but he believe it was effective.
They have also been able to have some down time and sight seeing. Josh posted a hilarious video of the killing a spider. If you are friends with Josh you can see it on his facebook page. They also had the chance to go to a market place where (in josh's words) were able to get souvenirs at a good price.
This week they are heading to Victoria falls. I know I can't wait to see pictures of God's beautiful creation.
If you are praying for the team, please keep in mind that they are hitting the half way point. They have all been together for a while in tight quarters and personalities can start to clash and nerves can get stretched thin. Please pray that they can keep the lines of communication open and that they can remember why they are there.
Thanks for checking in.

A Face with the name

Brad, Madison, Arline, Josh, Fridah (front in the red shirt) Tyler, Brady, and Tim.

Sunday July 18th and following

In the words of Kip from "Napoleon Dynamite"--"Yes I love technology not as much as you you see. Yes I love technology. Always and forever." Why do I share this with you? Because this morning while I was getting ready for church, I received a Skype call from Josh. There is an internet cafe where they will be able to access their group e-mail (wcfzambiateam@gmail.com), hope on facebook, and skype with their families. Lord willing, next Sunday they will be able to Skype us while we are in the church service.
One thing the students did in preparation for this was back yard bible clubs. They did three different weeks at three different location. They taught the kids songs, games, and lots of verses. They were able to share the gospel by using evengacubes, making the colored bracelets, and doing face painting. These skills are going to be put to good use as they will be going to Vine Orphanage for Children Evangelism on the 20th, on the 21st meet with the orphans of the church on the 21st, and then on the 22nd they will be going to Chismo Drop off Center where they will get to do more evangelism.
Please pray for the team as this is going to be a huge culture shock for them. These students might think that they know a lot about the world but they are about to be in for a rude awakening. This will be big for Josh and Arline as well. This is not something they would ever see here in Winnemucca. Tim and Fridah are from there so they might be a little more "use to it" but it still can be hard to see. Please pray that the gospel is preached boldly and clearly. Also please pray that the hearts of the team will be open to the blessings that this community can give to them.

July 16th. Departure day

A lot of you already know that Josh has been planning a trip to Zambia for a little less than a year. Some of you may have even got support letters asking for your prayers. God has been good and answered those prayers. Originally I was planning on going on the trip but then we found out in March that we would be expecting our second child in November and my doctor did not think it would not be a good idea if I went. This was very bitter sweet. I loved going to Africa when I was in high school and have had the desire to return one day. But at the same time I LOVE being a mom and don't know if I could leave Joshua behind for such a long period of time and I did not want to but baby #2 in danger.
Now, the time as come. After many hours of service, several Sunday meetings, hundreds of prayers, and thousands of dollars, they are ready to go. This morning the team and some of the family member met at church to get all the paper work in order, get the bags weighted and to load the bus. Once everything was checked and rechecked it was time to pray and say goodbye. This was very hard for me. I am not used to being the one who is left behind. I have always been Josh's right hand man when it comes to trips. I help control the crowed, try and think ahead to help alleviate stress, and try to encourage him when things don't go as they are suppose to. When I knew I wasn't going crazy. But like I said before I know that it is best for me to stay behind and be one of the prayer warriors for the team.
I ask that you join me in this and pray for them. Here is the list of the people who are going on the trip.
Josh Maxwell
The Adults:
Tim Banda
Fridah Banda
Arline Gomz
The Youth:
Brad Pearce
Tyler Duran
Brady Riley
Madison Waldie
I will be posting a blog every few days so you all can be updated on what they are doing and how you can continually pray for them. (If you read this off facebook it may be a few days behind. For a more accurate timeline go to my blog page to check for updates)
Today they made the very long drive to San Francisco and their flight will be departing at 10:24 PM (west coast time). They will be landing in New York (JFK) at 7 am east coast time on July 17th. From JFK they will depart at 11:15 and fly to Johannesburg, South Africa and arrive at 8:40 am on July the 18th. (This will flight will take 15 1/2 hours in the air) Then at 10:50 am the team will depart and plan to arrive at Lusaka, Zambia at 12:30 pm (3:30 Winnemucca time) Once they get in they will get settled in the house where they are staying and then off to a welcome service.
For now please pray for safety and sanity (haha). This group is going to be stuck in Airports and planes for many days. Pray that they are kept safe and that they can use this time to bond and relax. Also pray that their bodies will adjust well to the time change. Please also be praying for the family's that have been left behind. This is the longest amount of time that Josh and I will be apart and I am already feeling lonely knowing that I will not be able to talk to him everyday.
If you would like to contact the team you may do so by writing them an e-mail. It is an address the entire group can access. wcfzambiateam@gmail.com
I will do my best to let you all know what they will be up to while they are there. Thank you in advance for all your prayer and support.

My last blog was on May 4th and it was all about feeling humbled. As most of you know so much has happened since then and it's been amazing. Don't get me wrong, I am still feeling humbled but I am also feeling grateful, encouraged, blessed, but at the same time nervous and guilty. Let me explain. Right before we left for vacation at the end of May I had two interviews. One at a veterinarian hospital (which I knew I was totally under qualified for) and one at a furniture store (sales is all I have ever done). The day before we leave I get a call from the vet hospital offering me a job!!! I was so excited I had to use all my will power not to scream with excitement. As soon as the vacation was over :o( I started this new job. I can't remember the last time I was that nervous. It's been a few weeks now and I seemed to have settled in nicely. To be honest I was really surprised I never got a call from the furniture store. I have always thought that I (please don't think I am conceded)rock at sales. But hey... what to I know. Yes it took a long time for me to find a job and yes this means that I would not be home with Joshua but God has been so good to us. Since it is the summer we have been blessed to have girls from our youth group come over and watch him. They love him and I like the fact that I can come home for my lunch and spend time with him in my own house. Also Josh has been spending a lot more time with him and I have seen their relationship grow and am overflowing with joy. Yes there are times when I really miss being home, but I know that if I can work hard now it will be better for our family in the long run.
One thing I really prayed hard about was when the right job did come along I wasn't just counting down the days when I would be done. "one down 481 days to go" or whatever it's going to be. I knew that if it was like that then it would feel like it was taking forever to be done. At this point, it's not like that at this job. I really like it and I feel like I am catching on very quickly. It's so busy and there is always something to do, I don't have time to sit around and be sad I am not home. God knew exactly what I needed and even though it took longer then what I (as a selfish human) would have wanted, everything is working out great.
God is so good!! I really can't say that enough! He really is! He is true to His word when He says that He is and will always be faithful If you have found yourself in a tough place, just know that the Lord has not forgotten you. He is there and He cares. As humans we do foolish things but he forgives and He is faithful.
1 Corinthians 1:4-9 I always thank God for you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus. For in him you have been enriched in every way—in all your speaking and in all your knowledge— because our testimony about Christ was confirmed in you. Therefore you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed. He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful

Feeling Humbled

For quite some time I have felt very humbled. I think it's one of the main lessons God is trying to teach me since moving out here. Being humbled is NOT easy. There seems to be a once a month occurrence.
I have been very blessed to have a family that I can babysit from my home. This gives me to opportunity to stay at home with Joshua and stay very involved with Church. On the con side, I don't always have the kids when I am scheduled which cuts into our income which is never good. I just found out a few weeks ago that the mom has a new work schedule and I will no longer be watching them. FREAK OUT! So now it's back to looking for a job. I had already gone through this a few times. The first time I didn't really look because I didn't want to be away from Joshua so I didn't put out any effort. The next time I looked for a job it looked like I had a good chance working for Verizon. I had a little phone interview but I told them I would have to clear it with my husband about being away for 5 weeks for training in California and then having to work most Sundays. I never got a call back. As much as I knew I would be great at that job, God did not see it fit for me working there. He really knew what he was doing because just this month that Verizon store closed. Then I also had an interview with a law office. I was so excited and I thought it went very well. Again no call back. This has been very hard for me. When I was in NJ I worked really hard a lot of hours to get into a good management position. I worked to gain the respect of the people I trained and those who trained me. Now, after all that time and hard work I can't find a job. For a while I felt very embarrassed because I couldn't get a job. How hard could it be right? So now I am on attempt number 100 (is what it feels like) for finding a job.
I know that the Lord will provide and sometimes his answer isn't "yes" or "no", its "not right now." from a human perspective this is hard to swallow. We like to know what's going and and what is going to happen. Right now I know what's going on but I have no idea what is going to happen. Like I said I am feeling humbled. Having to walk into place after place asking if they are hiring, driving around town dropping off my resume to places that has nothing to do with sales which is all that is on my resume.

You know you're a mom when.....

Over the year I have seen some e-mail circulating with titles like "you know you grew up in the early 90's when..." or "you know you live in NJ when...". So I have decided to write about "you know your a mom when...". Now compared to some of you I have not been a mom for very long so my list might not be as long as yours but in these short 10 months I have really felt like a mom. Some things you roll your eyes at, some you can't help but laugh, and some.... well only being a mom you can understand. So here are some of my mom moments. Please feel free to share some of yours.
You know you're a mom when you find baby food in your hair and your not surprised.
You know you're a mom when you haven't had an adult conversation on over 12 hours.
You know you're a mom when you are walking out the door to go somewhere, look down and see food all over your shoulder and leave the house anyway.
You know you're a mom when you plan your Sunday outfit depending on if you have to nurse while at church.
You know you're a mom when you put the kids to bed and then run to walmart because you have ZERO diapers
You know you're a mom when you know the theme songs to 4 or more nick jr cartoons
You know you're a mom when you taking a morning shower doesn't always happen
You know you're a mom when you no longer sleep through the night
You know you're a mom when you forget your wallet at home... in the shopping cart after loading the groceries into the car... don't know because the kids were playing with it last.
You know you're a mom when you replace your purse with a diaper bag
You know you're a mom when you have pictures of you with the binky in your mouth
You know you're a mom when panic washes over you because it's a little to quite in the other room
You know you're a mom when you haven't eaten a warm dinner in a week or so
You know you're a mom when your heart hold more love for your children then you ever thought possible.
I love being a mom and wouldn't trade it for the world.

our first 5K

A lot of people have been asking me how the 5k went, so I thought I would share with you all by writing a blog. Josh and I ran our first 5K on Saturday March 27th in Sparks. When Josh decided he wanted to start loosing weight he started the Couch to 5k running program. It's a 9 week schedule that starts you out by doing running and walking intervals. It's great for people who are not runners and can stick with the program. He did really well with it was and was able to graduate in the 9 weeks. I started the program (for the second time) a little later. When I ran my first 5k without the jogger stroller I finished it in 40:45. I was excited that my time only got better from there. The more you run the more chances there are for injuries that will cause some set backs. Josh and I were very fortunate and didn't suffer anything to big. He had some muscle problems and I had some bloody ankles. But we kept going. It was great to do this together because it made us actually go out and run. We (not always nicely) pushed each other to go for a run even if we didn't feel like it.
So after weeks of training it was time for the race. We went down the night before and registered. We got a bag with our numbers, a t-shirt and some coupons.
The next morning was race day. I got up around 6:30 because we wanted to leave our room by 7. Thankfully Joshua slept great that night so he was pleasant in the morning. I was a little nervous about the race, but the nerves didn't really set in till I saw how many people were actually there to race.
We it got closer to race time we unpacked the stroller and walked up to where everyone was gathering. One of my big fears was that I was going to finish last but once I got there I actually wanted to stay toward the back. Josh started a little further up then I did. We had already decided not to run the race together. He is much faster then me and I didn't want to slow him down. It was a little crowded at the very beginning not only from all the people in the race but just other people taking there morning run/walk/ bike ride. There was this one couple that was walking right in the middle of the path and the absolute worst part. To make it a full 5k we had to run to cone and then turn around, and then do a full lap around the marina. Well people had gotten to the cone and were on there way back when some of us had not yet gotten there so both sides of the path had people on it and this couple was walking right in the middle. So I yelled "stroller" because they were going to move or going to get run over. I didn't care. I was in a race and that means I have right of way. I don't know if thats "running etiquette" but I didn't care.
Like I said Josh was further ahead then me so you will have to ask him to share his take on the race. It was nice because I would pass some people and some people would pass me. There was this one lady who would sprint for a little and then walk. This was fine until I caught up with her and I would pass her walking and then she would sprint and cut me off. It was like this for the tail end of mile 2. I finally had enough and I knew I was getting close to the end so I kicked it into high gear and got as far away form that lady as I could. Right before I hit mile three I saw josh. He had finished the race at 32 minutes and come back to finish it with me. I really like this. We had come to far together that it was nice to finish the race side by side. Once I saw where I needed to finished I sprinted as fast as I could. The faster I go the sooner I could be done!!! 37:35. To some this might be a really slow time, but to me it's just right. I wasn't fighting the wind like normally do when I run at home, but there were a lot more hills then I was used to which made running while pushing the stroller difficult. But I did it. I ran and entire 5k race with my son and without stopping. As I pasted one woman she told me she thought I was amazing running while pushing a stroller. That made me feel nice. Would I have gotten a better time if I didn't have to push... yes but I like it when I am running and I look down at Joshua and he has a huge smile on his face. It makes it worth it.

Josh is now getting ready to run a 10K at the end of June. His end goal is the run a full marathon. I would be training with him, but the doctor says I need to stick with the three miles while I am pregnant. I want to run for as long as I can and then walk once running is not an option. I still wouldn't say that I have a love for running but I definitely have a want to love running.
For those of you who want to lose weight or who would like to start running I highly recommend Couch to 5k. http://www.coolrunning.com/index.shtml Even if you think you can't run you can!!!! Sometimes I felt like my run was more like a glorified walk. So what... just get out there and do something. There is always a reason to do it.

Barbwire

Some nights, if I can time it just right, Joshua and I will go on little adventures. I load him up in the car and grab my camera and we’ll chase the sunset. There are the most breath taking sunsets out here. The other night we went on a little adventure and we took a new road. Well, not so much a road but a dirt path. Once the path ended I got out and started taking more pictures of the sunset. It was so amazing and I was basking in that awe of God’s beautiful creation. It was like it was just us. There was no noise. No cars, no plains, nothing; just me and God. It’s hard for me to understand how people can see something like that and still think that there is no God.
As I was standing there I noticed what was in front of me; barbwire. This is something I look at everyday because it’s the “fence” that surrounds my house. But as I looked closer I was intrigued by its design.
Its long strips of metal intertwined with one another and every foot or so there are knots that have spikes on the end of them. This is not something that people would consider as beautiful and I didn’t either until I saw God in the metal. I started thinking about how our lives are like barbwire. Our paths twist and turn and sometimes bad things happen and we get caught up in a spike or we get all tangled. But in the midst of these times we have to remember that we always have the cross.
This has become a little bit more real to me in the past few days. When things happen like losing a loved one, finding cancer, losing a job sometimes we can’t see any further then our nose. But we have to. We have to remember that no matter how tangled we get, no matter how hurt we are, there is always the cross. Take comfort in that.

Moses and Me

Today I felt a little bit like Moses. Not the parting the sea Moses or the spending time with God on a mountain. No, today I was the cowarding Moses trying to convince God He had the wrong person. In Exodus 3 and 4 Moses give reasons why he thinks he is the wrong one. 11 But Moses said to God, "Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" "What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, 'The LORD did not appear to you'?" "O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue." "O Lord, please send someone else to do it." That was me today. “Not me God, I have never done anything with women’s ministries. I’m the youngest one in the group. Why would anyone listen to me?” “God, I know our church needs help with Sunday school for kids and adults, but can I commit to the time? Do I even know enough about you to teach others?” “God what if I plan something and no one shows up? What if people don’t like my ideas?”
For a while now I have felt God leading me in a new direction when it comes to ministry. Don’t get me wrong, I love Jr. and Sr. high. Girl’s bible study is amazing and I am super excited about our monthly N.B.A’s but I know I can’t be a part of this forever. Having kids makes it a little difficult. Sure when they are first born they just sleep on you and you can sit through a lesson without being a distraction. But now Joshua is at an age where he just wants to move around and be noisy. Unfortunately there is not always someone around to take him so I can participate. Sometimes I feel like I am only there in body but not in mind because I am so distracted. This had been hard for me to accept because I love working with the youth and I have felt lead to minister to them. But like I said I have been feeling like God is leading me in a new direction and I have been trying to tell God that he has chosen then wrong person. Then I read my sisters blog (http://ncypjoshisconfused.blogspot.com/) and it hit me right between the eyes. Am I afraid to do these ministries because I fear how I will do or how others will view me? Yes I was scared of that. But now I am reminded it’s not about me and it’s never been about me. God has given us gifts to better serve HIM. He desires us to join together to glorify HIM. How could be so selfish and self-centered? How could I turn serving God into a self-righteous act. Yes there will be nay sayers, there will be people who don’t like the ideas or how the activity is being executed. NEW FLASH it’s not about that. All I need to concern myself with is making sure that whatever is being done is being done to glorify God. The ministries will be used to further the kingdom and not for self assurance reasons. This may seem like a very “duh” blog but it’s something I need to focus on. I don’t think that time before have been for selfish reasons but I think this is the first time I will be doing something away from Josh’s main ministry. I am very excited to see how God uses me and the women in our church. I just need to make sure when I feel like the nay sayers and getting to loud that I remember to listen to my heavenly Father instead because in the end He is the only one that matters.

What a difference a year makes.

On March 7th 2009, my family and two of our youth group kids help pack up all of mine and Josh's belongings and packed them into a rented truck. I have become no stranger to moving. I moved from my parents house into mine and Josh's first apartment when we first got married. One year later we moved to another apartment (so we could have a washer and drying). One year after that we moved in with our parents because we knew that God was leading us somewhere, we just didn't know where yet and we didn't want to do another year lease. The nice thing about those moving situations was if you forgot something then you could just drive back and pick it up. And I had packed everything so by the time we got to our new place I still had a photographic memory about what was in each box which made unpacking easy.
Not this time. I had packed up our apartment in November and only unloaded our bed and some clothes at my parents house. So these boxes with our belonging became a stranger to me. When we had to pack up the truck I was amazed at how much we had accumulated over the past two years. Thank the Lord everything fit. Looking back I wish I had remembered to grab my wedding dress and my doll house. I'll get them one of these times.
The night of March 7th was a bitter sweet night. I had so many people I loved all together. I few more of our youth came down so say goodbye and all of my brothers, sisters, in-laws, nieces and nephews were all cramped under one roof eating the most yummy Pizza ever. After a long day of packing, we said our goodbyes to my family and prepared ourselves to wake up way to early so we could get a jump start on the day.
Around 4 AM we hugged my parents goodbye and set off on a brand new journey. I cried because I was sad that I was not going to be around my family anymore but I knew that God was in control and this is what God wanted for us so I was OK with leaving. With Josh driving, Hugo sleeping on the floor between the two seats and me, 6 months pregnant trying to keep him awake. God was good to us and we made is all the way across the country with only two mishaps.

Since we arrived here I have never had a moment of doubt or regret. God provided us a family to live with for the first few weeks we were in Winnemucca (thank you Granath family). Then we were able to movie into our house with only a few pieces of broken Pyrex. And the blessing have not stopped.
Yes, there are have been times when I have missed my family so much that it hurt to breathe, and there are things about living in the west that I am still getting used to but this is our home now. God has provided me with one amazing friend out here that I can tell anything and I know she will understand because she has up and moved away from her family. I am so thankful for my friends back east who, despite the distance, are still great friends who care about whats going on in my life.
In terms of our family, I have never been happier. I love Josh more and more everyday. He is my best friend and the strong pillar in this family. Joshua is almost 9 months old. He talks all day long and is getting really good at walking around the coffee table. He is such a joy to have and I can't imagine my life without him. Hugo is Hugo. He still sleep on the couch for the large portion of the day. He has started to enjoy going on three mile walks with Josh.
I look forward to seeing what God has in store for us this next year. Although there is a lot of unknown right now, I trust that the Lord will provide for our needs and guide us in HIS WILL!!!

A Taste of Heaven

Do you know what heaven tastes like? I do!

I wish I could take credit for this piece of heaven but it was a gift given to me by my very talented mother-in-law. When Josh and I first got married he would always talk about how much he loved his mom’s spaghetti and meatballs. He would tell me that when he was a kid he could remember his mom coming home during the day to stir the sauce and to add a few spices here and there. I never felt the need to make the meatballs because 1. I can’t cook and 2. There is no way I could live up to his mom’s so why try. Finally after a year of marriage, I called my mother-in-law and got the recipe. One of the more difficult things about this sauce and meatballs is that you don’t add a teaspoon of this and a tablespoon of that. She would make it by how it looked and what it tasted like. NOT A GOOD THING FOR ME!
Now, two years later, and a million attempts I’ve done it. I have been able to make a little piece of heaven.
One of the best things about this food is that it is always shared with friends. I don’t think I have even made this for just me and Josh. We have made it for my entire family, for a meal while down the shore, and for friends. Our friends back in NJ, Jeff and Kelly must have eaten this meal a few dozen times. It’s an amazing feeling having friends get together over a great meal and have a great time. Now we get to share this meal with our NV friends Andy and Kendra.

There have been times when I have not eaten anything all day in preparation for this meal. When the table is set with sauce, pasta, and texas toast you are ready. Ready to taste something beautiful. I truly believe that this sauce has some kid of super powers because there is no way that my human hands can make something this good. I take no credit for this yumminess (not a word but I don't care).
But eventually all good things must come to an end. After eating way to much there is nothing more to do then moan and lay on the couch.
I hope that all of you have something in your life that tastes this good.

Burdens

The other day I was reading a blog and she was talking about how she felt overwhelmed and she ended her blog by saying that God doesn't give us more then we can handle. I have heard this saying a million times and I have probably said it that many times as well. It wasn't until last night that I really got to thinking about it. Where does it say that in the bible?? I can't remember ever reading it or hearing a sermon on it or even hearing a Pastor say it. So where did it come from? (if you can think of a passage of where it is found please let me know). The only passage I could think of was Matthew 11:28. Jesus is talking and he says "come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest." Then it struck me, it's not that God doesn't give us more then WE can handle, he doesn't give us more then what HE can handle. OK that makes more sense.
We can all probably all think of a time in our lives when we felt like the world was coming down on our shoulders because we had so much going on. I know I have. And there have been plenty of times when I tried to unload the weight all by myself (without much success I might add).
Right now I feel as if I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. There is so much going on and so much to think about that I have felt so overwhelmed and helpless. The other night I had a complete meltdown and was sitting in my bed balling my eyes out because I couldn't stop thinking about everything going on and everything I was failing at and I just didn't know what else to do. I was so sick of thinking about it and worrying about it. I felt as if I have prayed about it so much that my prayers weren't even making sense anymore. So finally, with mascara filled tears rolling down my cheeks and a gallon of snot coming out of my nose (pretty picture right?)I just shouted out to God "What is your will because I don't know what else to do. What is your will?" And with that I had complete clarity in my head. There was nothing in there. No thoughts of worry or failure. No insecurities or pain just peace and quiet. I didn't even feel the need to cry anymore. I still don't know what I am suppose to do or what is going to happen, I just knew God was saying "I am handling it. This isn't for you to handle. I've got this."
I'm also not a believer in the saying "let go and let God". I believe that to an extent. I know that everything is in God's hands but if your child is sick your not just going to sit on the couch and hope that they get better. You go to the doctor and pray that something can be done. He wants us to trust in Him, and he wants us to follow his guidance when it is given.
I count myself very blessed that God does not tell us that we are on our own. He wants to take our burdens... big or small. I hope this made at least a little bit of sense to someone out there. If not it was good for me to get my thoughts out there.

This ones for Jess

My oldest sister Jess thought it would be a good idea to take a break from Facebook. Since she is not on there our communication has been cut down a lot. So I thought it would be nice to post some picture on here so she could see. So jess... This ones for you. Hope you like....

Crying

I am very blessed. I have a healthy beautiful baby boy. As a newborn Joshua slept through the night at 5 weeks and worked well being on a schedule which made my day very predictable. He didn't really cried. We even have a video if his first bath at the hospital and he hardly made a peep. When he did cry it was because he was tired or hungry. He never really had a fussy time of day. So I just have one question.... WHAT HAPPEN??? I guess they forget to tell you that crying will be all the time now. Maybe other first time moms have thought ahead and knew this was going to happen. Well I didn't think about it. Now it's "mommy I'm crying because I'm up; mommy I'm crying because i'm hungry; mommy I'm crying because you put me down; mommy I'm crying because you walked away; mommy I'm crying because I can't crawl fast enough; mommy I'm crying because you took that cord away from me; mommy I'm crying because I was trying to stand up but fell down; mommy I'm crying because..." you fill in the blank. I'm sure you can think of many more things. Please don't think I am complaining. I love my son and I wouldn't trade him for the world and I know that other people have much worse situations then I do. I know that his crying is his only was of communicating but that doesn't mean I enjoy the sound of it. So until he learns how to talk I guess I'll be communicating through crying.
On a sweeter note the other day I was watching TV and something was really sad so I was crying (ok more like sobbing) and I was holding Joshua because he had just woken up from his nap. He was cuddling against my chest but then he looked up at my face and I could see that he was processing what my face was doing because I don't think he has ever seen me cry up close. After his careful inspection, he reached up his tiny hand and placed it on my cheek. It was like he was trying to comfort me in his own little way. What a sweet little boy I have.

Lost and Found

The other day Josh was running on the treadmill and all the sudden shouts "holy crap" and hold up his left hand. I thought he was going to fall or had hurt himself. Nope. He wasn't hurt; he had just realized that his wedding ring was no longer on his finger. SAD! He has worked so hard and has lost so much weight that his ring had become very lose on his finger. Just the other day he was changing the sign at church and felt his ring slip so he knew he needed to get it resized. Now it was to late. After looking through his pants pockets and a few other items where the ring could have been, we came to the conclusion that it was lost. Josh had run 5 miles the day before (or maybe it was that day) and there was a good chance that he had lost it on that run. I had to come to the realization that it was gone and no matter how hard I wished it wasn't it was not going to change the fact that it was. I wasn't mad at Josh. He didn't lose it on intentionally or because he was being careless. It was lost because he had lost weight. I guess it's a catch 22.
Then last night I was going to give Joshua a bath. I went into the bathroom to start the water and what do I see? Something round... something shinny!!! THE RING!!! Whod'a thought? Josh had given Joshua a bath on Friday night and I guess thats when it came off. I was so excited I couldn't stop smiling! I put in on my ring finger and kept twirling it around. I couldn't decided if I should call Josh and tell him or If I should wait to surprise him when he got home from JR high YG. I decided to surprise him. I quick make up a little scavenger hunt so he would have to work for it. I sent him to a few places around the house before he got is last clue which led him to our wedding album. When he opened the first page there was the ring. The look on this face was priceless!
There was so much joy in finding this gold ring. It got me thinking about the Parable of the lost coin. Luke 15:8-10
8"Or suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Does she not light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? 9And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.' 10In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents."
It amazes me that the joy that I felt for finding the ring is nothing compared to the joy God feels when someone comes to know Him. He treasures us so much more then we could ever imagine. How awesome is that?

Much better

Tonight I decided to make One Pot Spaghetti. I had made this dish one time before but (surprise) I messed it up. This time I made sure to read every ingredient and step very carefully. Tonight I was able to make it all by myself and it turned out delicious. One of the best thing about it is that it only dirty's one pot. I really hate having a dirty kitchen but I also hate doing the dishes. What a vicious cycle we have.
I thought maybe you would like the recipe for ONE POT SPAGHETTI. hope you enjoy.
ingredients
8 ounces ground beef or bulk pork sausage
1 cup sliced fresh mushrooms or one 6-ounce jar sliced mushrooms, drained
1/2 cup chopped onion (1 medium)
1 clove garlic, minced or 1/8 teaspoon garlic powder
1 14-ounce can chicken broth or beef broth
1-3/4 cups water
1 6-ounce can tomato paste
1 teaspoon dried Italian seasoning
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
6 ounces dried spaghetti, broken
1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
directions
1. In a large saucepan cook the ground beef, fresh mushrooms (if using), onion, and garlic until meat is brown and onion is tender. Drain.

2. Stir in the canned mushrooms (if using), broth, water, tomato paste, Italian seasoning, and pepper. Bring to boiling. Add the broken spaghetti, a little at a time, stirring constantly. Return to boiling; reduce heat. Boil gently, uncovered, for 17 to 20 minutes or until spaghetti is tender and sauce is desired consistency, stirring frequently. Serve with Parmesan cheese. Makes 4 servings.

A cooking Embarrassment

I have never clamed to be a good cook. And I have never really had the desire to become a good cook. For the first two years of my marriage the majority of our meals were eaten out and Josh usually made those that were eaten at home. Since moving to Winnemucca and having ZERO chain restaurants in town, I had to learn how to cook something. I am afraid to try and cook something because I am so nervous I am going to mess it up and leave us without a dinner. Luckily Josh has been cooking his own dinner (chicken and Rice) every night so I thought I would start cooking. If I messed it up, I only messed up my dinner and I could live with that.
While making my shopping list this week I wrote out what I would make each night for dinner. Monday night: Summer Chicken Pasta with Mushrooms. They only ingredient I couldn’t find was cooking wine, but other then that I was good to go. AND I’M OFF… I started by browning my chicken and cooking my pasta. I was doing just fine getting my onions, garlic, and tomatoes ready. By that time Josh was home and he was taking a little interest in what I was making. I needed to add some chicken broth but when I went to my cabinet I found, not chicken broth, but cream of chicken. NOT THE SAME THING! When I realized I didn’t have chicken broth, I was ready to give up. I was all annoyed that my first attempt had failed right after I started! I went into the fridge and grabbed a jar of tomato sauce ready to throw it over the chicken and call it a day. JOSH TO THE RESCUE!!! He wouldn’t let me give up. We searched through the cabinet to see if we could make anything work. Josh, being the super hero that he is, found a can of chicken noodle soup. He strained out the noodles and caught all the juice in a measuring cup. MY HERO. Thanks to his inventiveness my dinner was saved and it was super yummy. I look forward to making it again with all the correct ingredients.

Ordinarily Beautiful

Have you ever looking in the mirror and thought "wow I'm so ordinary!". I know I have. To be honest, I have really struggled with this lately. I know it's do to the lack of morning shower and the fact that I wear sweat pants and a t-shirt all day. But even when I do get "dressed up" I still look at myself and see nothing special, just ordinary. I also make the mistake of looking at other people or the pictures that they post and I get jealous because I see cute clothes and nice hair and features that make them special.
Then God kicked my butt. I started to read Proverbs 31 and I compared myself to what was written about that wife. I wrote it in my journal parallel. The verse on the left and how I matched up on the right. Now, I went into this knowing that I was not going to come close to her, but I wanted to see how I could improve. But what I ended up taking away from the passage was that she is extraordinary in an ordinary way. She doesn't cure illnesses, or decorate her house in all Pottery Barn, or through the best parties. She provides for her family, she honors her husband, she is respected because she does good for her family, household and land. One this I learned was sometimes you just have to take a different look or look at it from a different perspective to see the beauty or to see what makes it extraordinary.
I mulled this over in my head and i go to thinking about how many things do I look at everyday that seem ordinary but if I look at them from a different perspective or different angel I would find something beautiful or extraordinary. So I decided to photograph ordinary things but do it in a way to see beauty. BUT I also know that what I might consider beautiful, someone else wouldn't. I love that fact that God created us differently. How boring would life be if he created us to all love the color blue. Our world would be so blah. So saying that, the pictures I took are beautiful through my eyes.
So this is my challenge to you... the next time you feel ordinary look at yourself from a different perspective. Most importantly, look at yourself through God's perspective. He created you and he does not create mistakes. He loves you and is jealous for you. You are beautiful and extraordinary. Bask in the glory of God and know that you are loved.

Sportsmanship

There is something that has been bugging me for over a year now, but it wasn't until a few days ago i was able to put it into words. I warn you now, what I have to say might offend you. So you may want to stop reading now.
So here goes... Some of you know that I come from a family who is very dedicated to a sports team. I also married into a family that has very strong dedication to a sports team. Growing up I was taught to cheer for my favorite team no matter what, win or lose. I can remember by dad jumping up off the couch and pacing around the living room because he was nervous or upset about what was going on in the game. Something I don't remember is my dad bad mouthing the other team. Yes there was the occasional dislike of a player but that's about it.
So what I am confused about is, when did cheering for your team mean to bad mouth the other team? I just feel like, if you feel the need to put down another team it can come across as a lack of confidence in the team you are cheering for. Yes there can be some playful banter between friends who know their bounds and it's all in good fun. But when you go to a game and get cursed at the entire game because you are wearing the other teams jersey? whats that about? But then there are the smaller things like calling them Cowgirls. That might seem small, but whats the point. Isn't it already understood that if you are cheering for one team you will not be cheering for the other?
I am jealous of people who can just sit back and enjoy the game and who don't care who wins and loses. I am not one of those people and I am not married to one either. There are some times when I would love to write something as my status that would annoy people cheering for another team, but I don't want to be like that. I want to be proud of my team win or lose. If they win hooray for them. if they lose then that's to bad. That is one thing that I respect my husband for. This past baseball season his team had a rough time battling injuries and what not, but he still stood by them and cheered win or lose. Living out in no mans land, we don't get a lot of his teams games so he would watch them online with our very VERY slow internet.
I know that there are so many of you who are very dedicated to their teams and I applaud that. My challenge for you is the next time you are going to say something about another team are you being a bad sportsman?